1. You don't feel relaxed, free, and trusted.

   1. You feel punished, misjudged, trapped, afraid, disrespected, and angry.

   2. You feel like you have to walk on eggshells.

   3. You feel pressure to be perfect, and you feel like you're never enough.

   4. You keep trying to prove to your partner that you aren't the bad thing they said you are, or that you aren't like "those" other people your partner doesn't like.

   5. It feels like your partner sees you as an enemy, a subordinate, a villainous character, a possession, or as a misbehaving pet/child.

2. It feels like the relationship is about them.

   1. It feels like there is no time or space in the relationship for your needs, your feelings, your opinions, etc.

   2. Your partner's needs and feelings get a lot of attention.

   3. Your partner gets angry and/or becomes dismissive/ignoring/shut down when you approach them with an issue you'd like to talk to them about.

   4. Your partner doesn't interact with you or talk to you unless they need something, or are bothered by something.

3. Your partner has a history of feeling unsafe, powerless, and untrusting, or has a history of trauma.

4. Your partner expects you to mistreat them.

   1. Your partner says things like "Everyone lies to their spouse" or "All relationships end in flames sooner or later."

5. You partner exhibits over-the-top, unreasonable, and/or bewildering emotional/behavioral responses to you.

   1. Your partner's behavior is uncalled for. The "punishment" doesn't fit the "crime."

   2. Your partner misunderstands and misjudges you a lot.

   3. Your partner tends to assume things rather than ask you for your input, and acts on those assumptions.

   4. Your partner doesn't seem to trust you.

   5. When you try to explain yourself to your partner, they accuse you of lying and gaslighting them.

6. Your partner only communicates/enforces their boundaries when they're angry.

   1. They may use "boundaries" to hurt/punish you and get their way.

7. Your partner blames you for their emotions.

   1. When your partner has a feeling (such as suspicion), they assume that your behavior is the cause of their feelings (you must have done something shady), rather than acknowledging that the feeling could simply come from their expectations.

8. Your partner doesn't respect your right to privacy or your right to your own social life and personal space.

   1. They are offended that you expect them to trust you.

   2. They are offended at and unaccepting of even a balanced approach of wanting some assets in your name only, and some assets in their name only.

   3. They demand that you let them screen your communications and social media.

   4. They require that you provide them with proof of your doings such as receipts, screenshots of conversations, odometer pics, etc.

   5. They have access to and/or control your assets.

   6. They keep you from family/friends or punish you when you see them.

   7. They make life hard for you when they're angry with you.

You Deserve a Partnership in Which You Both....

1. Choose to trust each other and ask each other for help interpreting concerning behaviors.

2. May doubt each other, but will still allow each other reasonable space and privacy.

3. Help each other feel good about yourselves.

4. Care about how free/trapped your behavior makes the other feel.

5. See each other as an equal partner and make decisions together.

6. Communicate well with each other and navigate conflict respectfully and assertively.

7. Manage your own emotions/thoughts and try not to act on assumptions.