Let's reason through the codependent beliefs driving your perfectionism and consider an alternative solution
Perfectionism is the belief that we have to always do our best to make as few mistakes as possible, and that when we make mistakes, we are bad or a burden. Latter-day Saint Christians who struggle with perfectionism can usually resonate with feeling guilty or ashamed of themselves anytime they make a mistake, have a need, or show weakness.
Why is it so common to shame and guilt ourselves for our sins and weaknesses?
In our culture, it's common (and beautiful) to want to obey all of God's commandments all the time. We want to be perfect as God is perfect, and in fact we are commanded to eventually be perfect, and so it's common for us to have that desire and goal. But if we can't attain perfection in this life, then what is a reasonable goal? Many have concluded that "doing our best" means trying to keep all of the commandments all of time in a disorganized, nondirectional, nonspecific way (with the understanding that we will fail), and we subconsciously plan to use guilt and/or shame to keep us on the right path. Rather than intentionally planning ways to put the "heaven" into us, we plan to literally (emotionally) beat the "hell" out of ourselves using the bats and whips of guilt and shame! It's part of our subconscious plan to become righteous by beating ourselves up! We think that God wants us to guilt and shame ourselves as a means to become more like Him! No, friends. No.
Jesus died to save us from being beat up by guilt and shame. The wages of sin is 1) death, or the ejection from a higher, healthier state of living to a lower one, and 2) the feelings and perceptions we have in response to that ejection, including sadness and regret (and guilt and shame as an additional consequence). When we choose not to keep a commandment because of lack of trust in God and in his ways, we reject God and thus reject his mercy, protection, and the health of that higher state we could have been in as a natural result of the keeping of that commandment. Heaven withdraws (because we rejected it out of mistrust), and so we are left to be in Satan's power, and Satan uses the power of fear and shame. Jesus suffered and died to save us from Satan's power, from fear and shame, and from the guilt of our sins and weaknesses. It's not right to guilt and shame ourselves when Jesus died to save us from those feelings. We are meant to live in a state of peace, trust, compassion, and understanding.
It's not reasonable for us to plan to keep all of the commandments all of the time. When you think about it, can you really do that? No. There are too many specific commandments. Only a perfect, finished being can keep all of the commandments all of the time. God has said, "It is not meet that a man should run faster than He has strength" and "I give unto men and women weakness." We are meant to not keep some of the commandments!
God has also said, "See that all these things be done in wisdom and in order" and "In every thing there is a time and a season." If we're meant to fail at keeping all of the commandments all of the time, then doesn't it make more sense to take an intentional, controlled, focused approach to keeping the commandments? To focus on some specific commandments at specific times in your life and let go of others? I think it makes sense to study out in your mind the issue and ask yourself these questions:
What would God like me to do with my life?
What goals would God have me set at this time to achieve His will?
Which commandments would help me the most to achieve those goals?
Which commandments should I focus on keeping?
Which commandments do I think I should let go of and not focus on? (Because I know I can't keep all of God's commandments, even though I want to.) Is God okay with me letting go of those commandments at this time.
The goal here is not to get away with sinning. It's not to hold onto our favorite sins. It's not to excuse ourselves and shirk our responsibilities to each other. It's not to disregard the wisdom and love of God in giving us so many commandments or the protection and blessings that the commandments are meant to give us.
The goal is to get intentional about glorifying God through our daily choices. The goal is to set attainable goals, and to eliminate the guilt and shame we feel by trying to keep an unrealistic goal.
This change in our approach to keeping the commandments will foster feelings of empowerment, self-esteem, and trust in God's mercy and power to save us from the effects of the commandments we cannot keep. "I can make measurable progress toward my goal of someday being perfect! I can make a noticeable difference in Zion! God in His mercy will save me from my sins and weaknesses as long as I exercise faith and trust in Him!"
It takes faith to let go of what we used to think would save us (guilting and shaming ourselves, and subconsciously striving for an impossible goal) and instead trusting in God's mercy and willingness to let us, as the Brother of Jared when he decided for himself to ask God to touch and make glow some stones to provide light for the Jaredite barges, come up with a doable plan for our lives/goals for Him to approve. And maybe He won't provide confirmation that our plan is acceptable! Maybe He will require us to go ahead and move forward in faith with our plan, trusting that it is an acceptable offering unto Him.
"But we aren't supposed to trust in the arm of flesh or in our own wisdom!" I hear you say.
Light, knowledge, and wisdom are spiritual gifts. They come from God. "Truth is reason" is what the hymn "O My Father" says. When we're operating with faith and trust and open counsel with God, we are exercising wisdom and intelligence in a godly way. We're not trusting in the arm of flesh, we are trusting in godliness, and thus in God and in His ways. It's not our wisdom we're using - it's God's wisdom inside of us and operating within us.
And if it turns out that the "obedience plan" is not the best? God will save us because we trusted in Him, and He will make every evil thing turn a profit when all is said and done! He will! And we can learn from our mistakes and tweak our plan to keep the commandments. When we trust in God, God will protect us from the things that we need to be protected from according to His master plan that will work out for the good.
Many of us guilt and shame ourselves because that's what parents or other important figures in our lives did to us when we made mistakes, and so now that we are adults and have become our own parents, we continue the pattern. It is good for us to recognize this and to do reparenting work.
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